"One of the things we’ve learnt from the post-sexual revolution attempt at gender egalitarianism is that men and women do not intuitively understand each other."
--> Made me think of this tweet by someone called @ElonBachman that struck me so much I screenshotted a while ago. It went: "A weird result of 60 years of sexual egalitarian whitewashing is that every adult learns about gender differences via a series of private relationship crises--more or less excruciating--rather than that knowledge being embodied in institutions, ritual, and prejudice".
I have seen this happen to others and to myself. A male friend once told me "I guess I didn't realize that deconstructing gender expectations would affect my relationship that much" (completely inverted masculine-feminine dynamic, no polarity)
"The 5 Love Languages" is still referenced in pop culture quite a bit. It doesn't hold up scientifically, but the popularity of the book reflected a desire to understand our genuine differences and cross the divide. There seems to be less and less desire to cross the divide due to political differences, real and imagined. Would be helpful for both sexes to read more essays like this..
The very fact that young women are very far left and young men are slightly right wing, meaning it’s young women being radicalised by the left and young men are gravitating towards the centre, yet journalists present it as young men being radicalised by the right, when In fact it’s the opposite, is part of the problem.
They’re still wanting to punish young men for things that aren’t even happening and in fact it’s the reverse that’s occurring, this is exactly why the democrats lost the election and that fact that they’re still pinning Kamala’s loss on sexism just shows they’ll probably lose the 2028 election too if they don’t change.
Yashca Mounk, who is on the left (and a far more reasonable left wing person at that), has been telling the democrats this for ages when it comes to racial politics and they still don’t listen.
1. The reason men and women conformed to one political opinion in the past was because women were not allowed to have opinions until about 1970. Men simply beat or yelled or scolded until the woman gave up all her desires and caved to his bullying. (And yes, it WAS bullying and yes ALL men did it.)
2. ALL acknowledgement of sex differences is a cover story for saying women are inferior. Has anyone ever said that since women have superior verbal skills to men that we should dominate all professions involving words? Of course not. Our ‘superior’ verbal skills only qualifies us to change diapers and do other domestic shit work. Our ability to ‘mature’ earlier is an excuse for creepy older men to have relationships or marry girls when they’re still teens and therefore hopelessly dependent on him. Unless men and women are regarded as entirely interchangable women will always be victimized and abused.
3. Finally, it is really telling that the author’s husband has all sorts of facts and figures and data about where men are superior to women but the only thing he knows about women is that we lie about our emotions. He’s never paid enough attention to the author to learn even one single non-stereotype stupid joke.
If men want to get married, MEN need to fix themselves.
Oh, dear. I treasured this article because it reintroduced the idea that sex differences can be funny and add flavor to relationships. I am very old, and come from a time when no, or I guess, few, women would expect to be anything but mildly exasperated at male differences, and for the most part saw their differences as part of the charm of being married. Men were expected to be as bewildered with living with a woman, but found the differences cute and funny. Somewhere in the depths of this Substack is a long response I gave to the subject of oppressed females of the past. Because I am very old, I got a real time ring side seat. I not only saw marriages in the ‘50’s, but through my grandparents and older relatives, saw marriages which formed just after the turn of the Twentieth Century. What I saw was early years old marriage were a shake down period, where there was conflict over who was going to get the last word in what area. There was no guarantee that the man would come out on top. It depended on the strength of will of the individual, and the accepted patterns, women having more say over the children, men over major purchases and job relocations. Because there was no ready exit route, eventually the couple would settle into a kind of peace, with room for humourus digs at each other to blow off steam. Yes, I saw a rabbit scared wife, with a bully for a husband. I also a relative who was real hell on wheels. We were all scared of her. Widowed,she was also greatly respected for being able to outwork anyone, and raising her daughter alone, until she remarried late in life, to a man who joined the rest of us in fear and respect. My life has been blessed with an annoying man who never puts anything back into the same place twice, which makes hunting for something you need an adventure every time. But we have helped each other over the rough spots in life, and so thoroughly enjoy our life together that we cannot imagine life alone. An elderly man whose wife had just died, described himself as feeling amputated. The long dance together of men and women, since we came down into the grasslands, is sometimes hilarious, sometimes deadly, and sometimes beautiful, but never simple.
I pity you. You accommodated yourself to oppression and mistreatment. Why should men get to make all the big decisions and leave the shit work — and that is what all housework is, tedious, exhausting, shit work — to women?
Men need to learn to listen to women. They do not.
The point about gentle teasing being essential for a happy marriage was wholesome to think about and correct. Seeing sex differences as something funny rather than a justification to hate the opposite sex would be a great stepping stone in having healthier relations between the sexes. Husbands and wives and brothers and sisters often just make fun of each other with lighthearted jabs, I’m sure it can extend to both women and men as a whole without it being so toxic.
Your appearance on Bari Weiss’ podcast yesterday and having you extending on this point about sex differences just being mostly funny was great to listen to.
I thought this was explored really well by the wifejack meme actually. If the meme got mean, it didn't work. When done well it also angered the types of people who can't do this playfully - the misogynists got mad at it for being too wholesome and quirky and the radfems got mad at it for portraying them as "dumb" which it really wasn't. It was just joking aboout the ways women are different than men, that men find slightly annoying but funny and cute.
"The proportion of men aged 18-29 who say that “immigration undermines Britain’s cultural life” has dropped from (by eye) about 20% in 2014 to about 16% in 2023"
Can't help but wonder what percentage of that drop is due to the large increase in the number of immigrants in the UK and who, probably, are more pro-immigration than native Brits.
Even so it is depressing how few people seem to have the ability to look at the most likely future.
My very-interesting career (to me) was inspecting road and bridge constructions for my state's transportation dept. And one of my first observations was how various men's personalities are. They are neat or sloppy, calm or excitable, smart or thoughtless, much like women. Overall, they are more aggressive. Certainly they are bigger and stronger. But getting to know them increases my liking of them. My job sheltered me a lot from undesirable passes, I admit. I can't help but think young and unattached females turn left politically because of choice. Pregnancy is more feared for the single than for the coupled woman.
I think you are right about the 4B movement and offshoots being more about individual frustrations with men than politics. Celebacy is making a comeback, sometimes it's framed as a political choice but more often ( maybe because of the content I engage with) I see it framed as a spiritual and/or individually therapeutic choice
"One of the things we’ve learnt from the post-sexual revolution attempt at gender egalitarianism is that men and women do not intuitively understand each other."
--> Made me think of this tweet by someone called @ElonBachman that struck me so much I screenshotted a while ago. It went: "A weird result of 60 years of sexual egalitarian whitewashing is that every adult learns about gender differences via a series of private relationship crises--more or less excruciating--rather than that knowledge being embodied in institutions, ritual, and prejudice".
I have seen this happen to others and to myself. A male friend once told me "I guess I didn't realize that deconstructing gender expectations would affect my relationship that much" (completely inverted masculine-feminine dynamic, no polarity)
"The 5 Love Languages" is still referenced in pop culture quite a bit. It doesn't hold up scientifically, but the popularity of the book reflected a desire to understand our genuine differences and cross the divide. There seems to be less and less desire to cross the divide due to political differences, real and imagined. Would be helpful for both sexes to read more essays like this..
The very fact that young women are very far left and young men are slightly right wing, meaning it’s young women being radicalised by the left and young men are gravitating towards the centre, yet journalists present it as young men being radicalised by the right, when In fact it’s the opposite, is part of the problem.
They’re still wanting to punish young men for things that aren’t even happening and in fact it’s the reverse that’s occurring, this is exactly why the democrats lost the election and that fact that they’re still pinning Kamala’s loss on sexism just shows they’ll probably lose the 2028 election too if they don’t change.
Yashca Mounk, who is on the left (and a far more reasonable left wing person at that), has been telling the democrats this for ages when it comes to racial politics and they still don’t listen.
The democrats deserve their failure.
1. The reason men and women conformed to one political opinion in the past was because women were not allowed to have opinions until about 1970. Men simply beat or yelled or scolded until the woman gave up all her desires and caved to his bullying. (And yes, it WAS bullying and yes ALL men did it.)
2. ALL acknowledgement of sex differences is a cover story for saying women are inferior. Has anyone ever said that since women have superior verbal skills to men that we should dominate all professions involving words? Of course not. Our ‘superior’ verbal skills only qualifies us to change diapers and do other domestic shit work. Our ability to ‘mature’ earlier is an excuse for creepy older men to have relationships or marry girls when they’re still teens and therefore hopelessly dependent on him. Unless men and women are regarded as entirely interchangable women will always be victimized and abused.
3. Finally, it is really telling that the author’s husband has all sorts of facts and figures and data about where men are superior to women but the only thing he knows about women is that we lie about our emotions. He’s never paid enough attention to the author to learn even one single non-stereotype stupid joke.
If men want to get married, MEN need to fix themselves.
Oh, dear. I treasured this article because it reintroduced the idea that sex differences can be funny and add flavor to relationships. I am very old, and come from a time when no, or I guess, few, women would expect to be anything but mildly exasperated at male differences, and for the most part saw their differences as part of the charm of being married. Men were expected to be as bewildered with living with a woman, but found the differences cute and funny. Somewhere in the depths of this Substack is a long response I gave to the subject of oppressed females of the past. Because I am very old, I got a real time ring side seat. I not only saw marriages in the ‘50’s, but through my grandparents and older relatives, saw marriages which formed just after the turn of the Twentieth Century. What I saw was early years old marriage were a shake down period, where there was conflict over who was going to get the last word in what area. There was no guarantee that the man would come out on top. It depended on the strength of will of the individual, and the accepted patterns, women having more say over the children, men over major purchases and job relocations. Because there was no ready exit route, eventually the couple would settle into a kind of peace, with room for humourus digs at each other to blow off steam. Yes, I saw a rabbit scared wife, with a bully for a husband. I also a relative who was real hell on wheels. We were all scared of her. Widowed,she was also greatly respected for being able to outwork anyone, and raising her daughter alone, until she remarried late in life, to a man who joined the rest of us in fear and respect. My life has been blessed with an annoying man who never puts anything back into the same place twice, which makes hunting for something you need an adventure every time. But we have helped each other over the rough spots in life, and so thoroughly enjoy our life together that we cannot imagine life alone. An elderly man whose wife had just died, described himself as feeling amputated. The long dance together of men and women, since we came down into the grasslands, is sometimes hilarious, sometimes deadly, and sometimes beautiful, but never simple.
I pity you. You accommodated yourself to oppression and mistreatment. Why should men get to make all the big decisions and leave the shit work — and that is what all housework is, tedious, exhausting, shit work — to women?
Men need to learn to listen to women. They do not.
The point about gentle teasing being essential for a happy marriage was wholesome to think about and correct. Seeing sex differences as something funny rather than a justification to hate the opposite sex would be a great stepping stone in having healthier relations between the sexes. Husbands and wives and brothers and sisters often just make fun of each other with lighthearted jabs, I’m sure it can extend to both women and men as a whole without it being so toxic.
Your appearance on Bari Weiss’ podcast yesterday and having you extending on this point about sex differences just being mostly funny was great to listen to.
I thought this was explored really well by the wifejack meme actually. If the meme got mean, it didn't work. When done well it also angered the types of people who can't do this playfully - the misogynists got mad at it for being too wholesome and quirky and the radfems got mad at it for portraying them as "dumb" which it really wasn't. It was just joking aboout the ways women are different than men, that men find slightly annoying but funny and cute.
As always love your insights Louise. Keep having those babies - it’s obviously enhancing your brain power 😊
"The proportion of men aged 18-29 who say that “immigration undermines Britain’s cultural life” has dropped from (by eye) about 20% in 2014 to about 16% in 2023"
Can't help but wonder what percentage of that drop is due to the large increase in the number of immigrants in the UK and who, probably, are more pro-immigration than native Brits.
Even so it is depressing how few people seem to have the ability to look at the most likely future.
My very-interesting career (to me) was inspecting road and bridge constructions for my state's transportation dept. And one of my first observations was how various men's personalities are. They are neat or sloppy, calm or excitable, smart or thoughtless, much like women. Overall, they are more aggressive. Certainly they are bigger and stronger. But getting to know them increases my liking of them. My job sheltered me a lot from undesirable passes, I admit. I can't help but think young and unattached females turn left politically because of choice. Pregnancy is more feared for the single than for the coupled woman.
I think you are right about the 4B movement and offshoots being more about individual frustrations with men than politics. Celebacy is making a comeback, sometimes it's framed as a political choice but more often ( maybe because of the content I engage with) I see it framed as a spiritual and/or individually therapeutic choice
Quite the pretty redhead girl on Tiktok! Wow
I’d propose tomorrow if she was Catholic but I highly suspect the idea of Catholicism is scary and oppressive to her.
Hope she finds a good husband to build a life with and drop all the repellent 4B movement nonsense.